A PARODY: NEW RESEARCH SHOWS THAT NIGERIAN PARENTS INVENTED REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY.

by Nwaka Esther  

In a proper Nigerian society, there is an unwritten rule that says an unwritten rule a child can win everything else, but an argument with his or her parents’. This rule, though, not communicated with the mouth, has been echoed in the walls of every house. Ears have heard, and eyes have seen. It doesn’t really matter whether the truth can be seen glaring at the face of the victims—the children. There are no medals in this game—just succumbing and tears.  

Research has shown that Nigerian parents are, in all truth, the pioneers of reverse psychology because long before Freud put pen to paper, Nigerian parents have been using this technique. Questions have risen over time as to whether the all-time champions—parents—have a particular WhatsApp group where they share new and innovative ideas on how to stay ‘uncaught’ no matter the situation at hand. Hence, this research was carried out.  

All Nigerian children have, at one point in their lives, witnessed this ability of the “older” generation: that despite the plainness in their parents' words, there could be hidden meanings that have not surfaced. In times when instructions were not clear, when victims were actually curious, and when warnings were laced in harmless yet harmful statements, there were always meanings. 

Abigail, our first respondent, shared the dangers of asking obvious questions and getting simple yet complicated answers. In her experience, she was ignorant of this special capability, so when her mother asked her to place the plate on her head after asking where to put it, the innocent girl just did as she was asked. And of course, the repercussions came but will not be mentioned here. The translation of the statement however is to take the item to the kitchen.  

“If you like, don’t read for your exams.” Tunde was glad to hear his dad say this. He never liked reading anyway. So throughout the exam period, he did everything but read. As expected, the result came out with no flying colours but Tunde did fly that day. Tunde indeed regretted not knowing the translation of that sentence. It meant “You better read like your life depends on it.”  

Other stories include parents urging their children to receive food from strangers when they have already been warned at home not to. In this case, politely reject the food till the stranger wears out. When faced with statements like “tell your friend to come inside”, “go and break your head, I will not say anything”, “don’t eat, stay there and be hungry”, “wait for me to do it for you”, it is advised to do the very opposite to avoid consequences beyond your comprehension. 

This technique has proven to create an impact locally by correcting, instructing and teaching Nigerian children basic morals and decoding abilities. With this in place, understanding George Orwell and Oscar Wilde's satirical works is a piece of cake. The impact of this technique is also global as a Canadian mother borrowed the “if you like” technique and got her son to clean up his room for the first time in three years.  

From the look of things, Nigerian parents might be awarded for their contributions to psychology sciences. Till then, further research would be carried out on how they mix reverse psychology with the act of “side-eye”. Results are expected soon— if the researchers survive after interviewing test subjects.