Guest Article: Hannah the church girl

By R.G.H

Shebi you people know I don’t write on a normal day, but the Yorubas say if the dog that sees you before and doesn’t bark, now sees you and started barking, then something is amiss. In the same vein, if the taste of the palm wine changes, the drinking pattern of my drinking self should change. In an Egungun Festival, once the tune of the music changes, my dance step must also change.

I think it’s high time I let the cat out of the bag, or is it basket they call it? The attitude of our people these days is becoming more worrisome such that their disappointment and tendency to disappoint is not new again. All we look forward to as we open the new chapter of a new day is ‘will the disappointment of today be higher than that of yesterday? Or ‘will I have something new entirely today’?

But in as much as humans are concerned, disappointment is inevitable, constant disappointment is what we all should endeavor to eliminate.

There is this particular lady, I know some of you will say I don’t know more than ladies, but both sex have been a source of disappointment in recent times.

I only met her as usual on my friend list on Facebook, I have more friends that I can hardly remember all, that’s bound to happen since I had contested the previous session. We only chatted ‘hi hi’ and that was all, but before you knew what was happening, I had started mentioning her name in every comment box and close friends had started thinking something was fishy. Somebody I had not seen before o!
I had this feeling she was a church girl because of what I saw, she had the ‘rubber hair’ I call it ‘irun olowu’ she didn’t make use of earrings (her ears were not even pierced), I went through her pictures, all I could see were quotes from the bible, and those that will set your ways right in life. And of course, her long skirt, her head tie and her ‘old fashioned’ tops. All these made me conclude that she was more righteous than the holy women mentioned in the holy books. Until a day came when there was power outage in her hall of residence, which is a common phenomenon in female and male halls in the university.

She gave a male friend (who happened to stay in my hall) her phone tocharge overnight. In the course of charging, he dissected the phone, only God knew what he was looking for, but lo and behold, he found it. It was contents specifically meant for adults, or perhaps sinners who were adults. I don’t need to go into more details on these, but if you pester, I will tell you. It was porn that was well saved on her SD card, I mean full clip, those ones of like two hours.

Even me, that I’m not that holy, it’s the short ones I do watch anytime I make use of Wi-Fi, but a regular church goer like Hannah needs nothing from these ungodly acts. And she’s always in constant argument with my friend for wasting his precious time which he ought to be ruminating on the words of God, on BigBrother naija. In fact she called it ‘soft porn’

I was only coming from Queens hall and I got to my hall only for a friend to call my name to tell me that he had a gist for me. He hardly gists me on anything on a normal day. He said ‘shey you sabi that your friend, that spirikoko one, she is gone’. In fact, he explained everything that went down in his room over the night. He went ahead to show me some text message she sent afterwards as a form of appreciation of his ‘good service’ I still found it hard to believe until I went through her phone and found their pictures ‘while in motion’.

Up till tomorrow she still invites me for prayer sessions here and there, and still encourage me to be as early as possible in fellowships as well as bible study. All these happened within the space of three weeks of resumption. I am not kukuma directly concerned, but truth be told, I had placed her as high as the topmost floor in cocoa house, only for me to find her 3000feet below the earth surface.